Why We Chose Donor Egg

My husband and I have a biological daughter who is 7 and have been trying for 5 years to give her a sibling. We are both on the older side and, for whatever reason, were not able to conceive again the old fashioned way. We tried IVF 4 times with my eggs and his sperm. No luck. So we tried donor egg and it worked. I am now about to deliver our second child–one who is genetically related to my husband but not to me.

We are aware that this child may feel anger, resentment, and loss at not having been raised by his biological mother but we will be honest and open about his origins from the beginning. We also made sure that the donor would agree to be contacted by this child when and if he desires.

I want him to have that ability–to know who she is and to be able to contact her. I agree that the situation is not ideal–two biological parents is probably ideal–but many many children never have that and many who have 2 biological parents are in terrible situations.

Our son will always be loved and safe and cared for. He will always know where he came from and why he came into this world in an unusual way. I have never believed in the myth of some picture-perfect, mainstream, cookie-cutter family life. Life is not perfect. No one gets to choose who their parents will be. A strong loving family is rooted in much more than biology.

I also know that this child has literally been built from my body…his every cell has grown from my blood. Every choice that I made while pregnant–what I ate, when I rested, how I played–had an effect on his development, helped to activate or deactivate certain genetic qualities. This dynamic is called “epigenetics” and it means that my choices while pregnant influenced how my son’s genes will be expressed. So, to some small degree, I have influenced him biologically.

All that being said, after having read the stories by donor-conceived people on this site, I am even more determined to be honest with our child. And I know we may be in for some rough times as he comes to terms with his origins. In the end, I hope coming to grips with who he really is will make him a stronger person.

We feel incredibly lucky to soon be welcoming him into our lives.