Whatever you do for me without me

Hi,

I am a donorconceived man from The Netherlands. I am also a findable donor, no way i i would have donated otherwise. And a social worker. In The Netherlands we are trying to build a network for donor conceived and their parents. And working hard to get all information known from the decades before anonymity was banned.

We work together with the gay community and support gay rights. But something should be very clear for prospect parents. Family is both social and biology. And those are not interchangeble. Like sexuality the need for and feelings that make you family can not be decided on by regulations and contracts made by other people. Parents can not decide on the sexuality of their children. Just like who your family is and who you want contact with can not be managed by contracts made before you were born. If you can not handle that as a parent maybe you should think twice about using a surrogate, a donor of an adoption agency to start your family.

Deciding who is your family and wether you want to know them is a human right. And all organisations by donor conceived are human rights movements.

There are a lot of arguments used saying it is better to not know. Fantasies about family stability and all. But it just boils down to one thing. A person decides on who is family. And there is no excuse for keeping information from them. For all the parents wanting the best for their children, be open and give all information and never give any doctor or adoption agency the right to keep information from your child. It is not in the best interest of your child.

It is exactly like Mahatma Gandhi said;

Whatever you do for me without me, you do against me.