Uncertainty is Killing Me

Who are you?
Will I pass you in the street?
Will you hold the door for me and smile as I walk into a gas station during my travels?
Will you look at me and wonder if I belong to you?
You have the pleasure of knowing I could be here.
For nineteen years, I was denied of knowing you even existed.

What was MY grandmother, YOUR mother like?
What about MY grandfather, YOUR father?
Why do you get to selfishly keep them all to yourself?

Who are you to deny me half of my family tree–
Branches rich and strong with stories I may never be told?
Who are you to give away my heritage, knowing it will be replaced with something false?

Do I have brothers and sisters with my dark hair, my deep brown eyes?
Will I be attracted to a familiar stranger in my classes?
Will I fall in love with him and kiss him passionately in an act of accidental incest?

Have you told your wife?
Have you told your partner?
What about your children?
Have you told your brothers and sisters about their mysterious niece?

Are you dead?
Will you ever read this?
Have you dismissed it as something in your past that you did to make ends meet?

Did they pay you to give me away?
What did you spend the money on?
Did you buy a sparkly necklace for your ex-girlfriend?
Did you buy books?
(The bank you went to would have paid you half of my College Algebra book for the donation that included me).
Did you buy a candy bar at a gas station?
Was I worth it?

Do you miss me?
Do you ever think of me?
Do I even cross your mind?
Does the uncertainty drive you crazy?
Was it worth it?

Do you wonder when my birthday is?
What color gown I wore to my graduation?
Would you be proud to know I was the Valedictorian of my senior class?
Would you support that I am Christian?
Would you even want me in your life?
I want you in mine.
I will accept anything about you, if I could just get the privilege of knowing who you are, of knowing who my family is.