Re: pregnant and scared with donor baby

I wanted to respond to your post about being scared as a new mom with a donor baby. I am a mom with a baby from an egg donor. I had similar fears. Some fears I had when I became pregnant: I wanted a girl and ended up having a baby boy. I was worried my baby would have the egg donor’s eye color (the donor’s eye color is different from my husband and myself). Sure enough, my son has the egg donor’s eye color. I was worried my negative, judgement in laws would judge me even more and be negative about my son being donor conceived. Guess what, they gossip about it behind my back and are negative. I also have loving, supportive family members and friends who know about our son and love him very much. Those are the only people in this world who really matter and whose opinions mean anything.

I used to be a person who cared what others thought. As a mom to my son, I am fierce. No one dare say anything to my face that would be negative about my child or they will suffer my wrath. I love my son more than words can offer. My confidence came over time and realizing what is important in life after I gave birth to him. I hope that time will offer you the same love and confidence for your daughter.

It sounds like you are still mourning the loss of not being able to have a child biologically. I understand this but I urge you to try and work through this for the sake of your daughter. It would be the worst thing in the world for your daughter to feel like she is your second choice to a biological child that never was to be. It is your job to step up to the plate and be your daughters hero in this world. She needs the love of her momma.

Talk to your husband or share your fears with a trusted friend or counselor. It may take some time, just focus on what a gift it is to be a mother in this lifetime. I know I am very grateful that I was able to have the amazing experience of giving birth and raising a child. A lot of women do not get to do that. I wish you the best.