Another Response to “PLEASE STOP SAYING MOTHER/FATHER”

Donors are not just for those who are a couple that have the unfortunate circumstance of being infertile. I come from a single mother, no father. I can assure you that those of us that use MOTHER/FATHER when describing our donors do it because they are the only other half we have (or the only other half we feel like we have). From what I read, I really do not get the impression that you yourself come from a donor — and that explains some of what you are saying. I did not write this to bash you or call you out, I did this for understanding.
You said that what these donors do essentially is provide our initial building blocks, but what you fail to realize is that I have been provided so much more. My donor is the reason who I am today (he is also half of me but that’s not the point I am trying to make). What I am trying to say is I am who I am due to my awareness of how I was created, how I have lived with just a mother, and how I learn to deal with not having a father. So when I call this man that is the reason I can sit here today and type this with pride MY FATHER, I don’t mean it to be offensive to you or to any other parent with a happy child. When I call this man MY FATHER, I don’t mean for it to be wrong, immoral, or unethical; I mean for it to make me feel better. And I’m sorry. Sorry for offending you, sorry for making you feel like nothing more than genetic material, but most importantly I am sorry that your daughter will never know about her origins.
I can see why you think you are doing the right thing by not telling her, because if I never knew that I was produced by a man jacking off into a cup, maybe I would be happier with myself; but at the same time you have to realize you are cheating her of knowing who the other half of her ACTUALLY is. I am sorry though that you think everyone on this website is wrong for how we refer to our biological parents. You seem like a nice person with good intentions and that’s why I want you to know that I have good intentions too when I say the things I say.
I am sorry that I cannot bring myself to call the man, who is the reason I write this today with pride, just a donor. He will always be so much more. He is my biological father. I wish your daughter and you the best of luck and hope one day you explain the truth behind her existence. Knowing I come from a donor and a single mother has been hard, but it has also shaped me to be such a kind, caring, and empathetic person. It showed me that nothing in this world is perfect, not even my life.
When I call this man my father, I do not do it to offend you, I do it because sometimes it lifts the weight off my shoulders.